Choosing a baby name involves much more than simply knowing what we like. It’s a shopping trip where we can only buy one thing and it has to last forever. But when we’re flooded with options and can “add to cart” without consequence, what may seem perfect in an early rush of excitement might not really fit. At Ava to Zeke, we spend a LOT of time thinking about everything that goes into choosing a perfect-for-you name. So we compiled what we’ve learned from our research, personal experience, and stories from parents into five must-dos. While we all have our own considerations when deciding on a baby name, these are our tips for making a choice that lasts.
1. Consider fit.
When choosing a baby name, you’re giving an identity to a new family member. That’s some real power! You’ll want to start by being honest about the values and lifestyle of your family and considering any cultural factors or traditions that could influence your name choice. Sometimes we get hit with the realization that the name we “always wanted to use” (when we were single, living in another city, and 13 years old) just doesn’t fit anymore. It’s all about context, your here and now. And it’ll look different for everyone. But here are some basics:
the other person
If your baby naming process involves a partner, you’ll have at least two people’s tastes and preferences to consider. After all, you’ve committed to raising a human with this other human and you want a baby name that reflects that unity. Making lists, sharing them, and finding the names that match with your partner’s is oddly gratifying–when it works. But it can take time to get there. Try not to settle. Wait until you find a name you both love. And be kind to each other in the process.
culture and values
Consider the role of culture in your baby naming venture. If you want a name that honors a particular ethnicity or cultural background, is pronounceable in other languages, follows a religious tradition, or honors a family member, start there. Since these are the things that make your family unique, try to see them as opportunities to be creative rather than as restrictions.
A caveat: Think twice about using names from a culture that is not your own. While some names are truly cross cultural, choosing a name that has obvious ties to a culture you are an outsider of can be seen as insensitive and inappropriate. Doing research can give you an understanding of the name’s significance within its cultural community (see #3 below!).
siblings
If you have children already, you’ll want to think about how this child’s name will fit in. Sometimes there is a pattern you want to follow (or break). For instance, you have two boys with one-syllable names and you want to stick with that for the third. Or you know that you don’t want both girls’ names to end in “-y.” If your family is blended, you might be looking for a name that unifies dissimilar naming styles. Perhaps you’re just as detail-obsessed as I am and you NEED everyone in the family’s initials to be different so you can maintain your two-initial labeling system :). Whatever the issue, consider these priorities when naming. And make sure your children’s names sound good together. You’ll probably call them “____ and ___” quite a bit and you’ll introduce them that way to other people.
If you’re planning to have more children, you’ll want to ask whether that affects what you name this child. If you’re committed to naming your future, hypothetical boy James, you might not choose the similar-sounding Jane for your real-life, non-hypothetical baby girl.
2. Track its popularity.
Everyone seems concerned with name popularity; it’s even the #1 reason for baby name regret. Yet we forget that the rising names of today are the downright popular names of tomorrow. So even more important than knowing a name’s in-the-moment popularity is tracking its change in popularity over time. The SSA’s rank change tool will teach you about the name’s past and where it might be going in the future, and it’s one of the tools we use to assess a name’s growth/decline potential and predict future name trends.
Let’s look at the name Amelia, currently the 8th most popular female baby name in the US.
Amelia’s mass appeal can be credited to its vintage style, multiple syllables, and -a ending, which fit current trends for female names. When we track its popularity, we can see the path Amelia took to become a top 10 name: Amelia was the 207th most popular female name in 2000 and has increased in popularity every year since. So even 10 years ago, we could’ve seen this coming.
The takeaway: If you’re considering a baby name that is not currently popular, and you want to know whether it will stay that way, ask whether it fits current trends and then track its popularity over time and look for a consistent growth pattern.
For a name that’s on Amelia’s heels, see Cora!
3. (Re)Search it.
Our next must-do is to research the name and be open to learning about it. While baby name books can be helpful, we prefer internet searches for your initial information gathering because other people’s ideas and opinions can clue you in to how your child’s name will be perceived. We recommend doing at least two different searches: in the first, type the baby name into your search engine by itself; in the second, type the baby name along with the words “baby name.” The initial search will be more broad and may bring up associations with the name that you hadn’t thought of. The second search will give you baby name resources that may help you decide if it’s the right name for you. Let’s try this with the name Charlotte.
First search: “Charlotte”
A general search like this can indicate how the word Charlotte is used most commonly, in our current context. Charlotte is recognized foremost, by the Internet anyway, as a place. Depending on your associations or experiences with Charlotte, North Carolina, this might or might not affect your name choice (though you probably wouldn’t be considering the name if you had negative associations with the place). It can also be a reminder that associations with place (and all associations, really) can change. When typing “Charlotte” into my internet browser, “Charlottesville” came up in the list of autofilled search terms, which likely wouldn’t have been the case before the 2017 protests.
Second search: “Charlotte baby name”
From this search, we learn that Charlotte is the feminine form of Charles, that it is in the top ten baby names for girls, and that it originated in France and is popularly used in England (William and Kate chose it!). We are reminded of its pop culture namesakes and offered lists of similar names to consider. Nicknames include Charley, Lottie, and Char.
We can also read public opinions about the name. If you ever want an honest opinion about a baby name, set aside some time to read baby name discussion boards. For whatever reason, people have OPINIONS about baby names, and they will share them publicly and unapologetically. It is both soul-crushing and hilarious.
4. Use it.
When we brainstorm potential baby names, we tend to write them down. Make sure that you actually say the name aloud and hear how wearable it is. The names that are exciting and different might be too bold to use in real life.
Swistle has popularized the Starbucks test. The Starbucks test goes like this: When you’re getting a coffee at Starbucks (or your local, independent coffee shop) and the barista asks for your name, give the baby name you’re considering. See how the person reacts. See how they spell it on the cup, or if they ask you to repeat it. Then listen as they call it out. How do you react to hearing it? How do others respond to it?
You can also try putting the name into the happy birthday song (“Happy Birthday, dear _____. Happy Birthday to you!”), and try it out with different phrases you imagine yourself saying to your child: “How was your day, ___?” “ ___, please put on your shoes. We’re late!” Or, introduce your hypothetical kid to a hypothetical someone. If you need inspiration, you can even let Baby Name Genie‘s light-hearted “Test Drive” tool do the work for you! Try out several scenarios. Your instincts may be telling.
5. Don’t sweat it.
Finally, many of the things we stress over when naming our baby don’t matter all that much once baby is here. So we’re giving you permission to let go!
middle name
Your middle name choice is an important piece of your child’s full name. It’s the perfect spot for an honor name or a name that won’t work as the first name for whatever reason. It’s also a place for risk taking! But try not to obsess over how the full name–first, middle, last–fits together. When we’re choosing a baby’s name is one of the few times in the child’s life that their full name will be used. We doodle the name on paper; we say it over and over again to make sure we like the ring of it. In actuality, people will not call your child by their full name. Most people will not even know it. Skip the stress of creating a perfect “first-middle-last” name, and focus on the first-last combo instead.
aging
Parents often express concerns about whether certain baby names will age well. While it can be a useful exercise to picture a name on a person at every age (and one that we suggest!), names are also incredibly elastic. They will change with the person and mold to fit them. Those of a certain age watched as the Jennifers of the 1980s morphed into Jennys as teens and then Jens as adults. When in doubt, choose the most classic form of the name at birth. This allows the child to have the flexibility to choose what version of their name they want to go by when they are adults.
meaning
As in, denotation. It can be fun to find a name whose literal meaning holds personal significance, but as my wise husband always tells me, “Don’t force it.” Rarely will the definition or etymology of a name become a significant part of your child’s life. In fact, most people have probably never thought about the meaning of their name (except those of you who are reading this!) and they still get on with their lives just fine. Connotations and associations are far more important day to day than the meaning of a name.
So there you have it! We hope this makes your baby-naming process a bit easier. And if you’re in need of some baby name inspiration, look through our curated name lists or reach out at namers@avatozeke.com!
I like your idea to say the potential baby names out loud to get a feel for which one you like. My daughter-in-law is pregnant again and they are deciding on the baby name still. I wonder if they will consider using a research tool first before deciding.
You’ll say (or shout :)) your child’s name so much more than you’ll write it. So saying a name aloud in different situations before committing to it is crucial! Thanks for the comment.